Hi everyone, today is one of those days where I am feeling pretty low. I always seem to feel at the minute with my two friends at school that I don’t matter, I had been friends with one of them for years and then all of a sudden she decides to include someone else and now we are all “best friends” and I feel like she got bored of me and is slowly replacing me. They have little jokes I’m not in on, always talking and laughing. I mentioned a few times to my friend that I feel replaced and left out but she gets mad and tells me to “shut up, its not just us two its us three. You make me seem like a bad friend when you say that” and of course I then feel bad but I can’t help it, that’s just me. I need reassurance that you still like me, or want me. At the minute I just feel like I’m never getting that reassurance because I’m not wanted any more. This morning I went onto Pinterest and they had both changed their profile pictures, this is going to sound jealous and stupid to some of you, to a picture of them two together (without me) on a day where they went out together. So of course me being me and feeling like I was anyway, I saw that and it just crushed me. I have never felt more unwanted and I just was broken. I get so upset about stuff like this, all I could think was “bet they were talking about me” “they were so glad they had a day away from me” “bet they wish it was just them, that was their way of telling me they hate me” and on and on. I just feel like people are such hard work sometimes. They hurt you, break you and I just think what’s the point? Its just easier being alone, away from everything and everyone. But then I thought “the whole reason you are sad is because you feel alone and isolated so your solution or way to feel better about the situation is to be alone and isolate yourself?”
I have a problem , I want to be alone, but I don’t want to be lonely.